Tuesday, 1 February 2011

I'm Back, Baby.

It's been a long hiatus. One fraught with worry over whether I would be blacklisted from the film industry for telling some unhappy truths.


You missed me, right?

This silent period has been one of great reflection; one in which I have truly sat down and considered what my internships have taught me and what possible career choices I could have after a year's hard slog. Here is a short list:

Tea's Maid

Like the iconic 60's Teasmade, only more human. My job would be to wait beside the slumbering owner until a designated time in the morning, at which point I would shout "TEA'S MADE" repeatedly in their ear repeatedly until they wake up, whilst simultaneously making them a handy cup of tea. The perfect solution for any early riser.

Vacuum Cleaner

As with the "Roll Easy," I too could be the vacuum cleaner you never have to lift. My professional experience at hoovering the office of key executives would make me the perfect addition to any corporate space. Simply install me into the appropriate area and I will personally ensure that your office is kept spick and span. On my hands and knees, if necessary.

Human File Binder

Men, are you tired of having to physically attach metal binders to scripts? Fear not, with the Human File Binder your worries are over. Simply hand the file you wish to bind over to the Binder, and she will personally ensure that the job is done: no mess, no fuss, no waste. Comes in two easy sizes: Starved (travel fees only) and Impoverished (travel plus lunch)


Always misplacing your pens? Losing your papers? Is your chair never at a comfortable height for your deask?
With the Intern-a-desk, your problems are over. For a nominal fee and the occasional glass of water, this friendly intern will crouch at the perfect height to solve all your desk needs. With a handy mouth for storing pens and TWO WHOLE HANDS for holding everything from papers to plates to cups of tea (see Tea's Maid for added extras), the Intern-A-Desk is the latest in office technology.

Know anyone requiring any of these pictures? Send them my direction - I'm back, baby.

Will work for money.

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